You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
