I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
