i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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