and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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