I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
