don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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