..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
