the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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