My liver just broke up with me...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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