She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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