I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
