I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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