singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
