the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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