So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
