I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
