it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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