im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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