apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?