Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.