can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it