I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.