we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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