life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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