I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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