you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
