Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
