my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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