i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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