i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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