So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
