I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
