so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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