Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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