It's Friday. Sex?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
