you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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