the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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