That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
