and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
