I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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