Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
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He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize