Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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