i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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