Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
