I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
