Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
