So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
