I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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