i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
