she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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