I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
