Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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