dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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