Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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