True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Let's paint friendship bongs
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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