He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
