I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
