did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
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My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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