We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
