so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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