Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
