Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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